The greatest experience of prolonged darkness I have ever experienced was only a few years ago.
I was depleted in every way–emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
I was running around as a mother of 3 young kids, driving them to and from school, involved in frankly too many things.
Our finances were tight and stress levels high with a husband finishing up grad school.
I had recently launched a business and it took a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth.
But above all, I didn’t take any time to truly replenish myself.
The thing is, I thought I did all the right things to stay healthy: I exercised, inserted naps in my day, listened to uplifting material, tried to eat well– but I still failed to feel whole and recharged.
In fact, the harder I tried, the worse I felt.
I developed a crippling anxiety disorder and it was the most debilitating experience of my life.
At that point, even though I was overcome with so much shame and darkness, I was determined to feel well again.
That journey to wellness has opened my awareness in ways I didn’t think possible.
It became more clear to me that happiness and wellbeing is not checking a list of good things to do.
True healing comes from truly being present with WHAT it is I AM doing and doing it in a willing and happy manner.
It’s not so much what I AM doing, it’s the ENERGY in which I am doing the thing.
I am learning how to truly stay in balance. I’m genuinely listening to honor my body’s signals for rest, movement and refueling in ways that are sincerely satisfying to me.
Keeping my inner state balanced has not only helped to heal from severe anxiety but I can enjoy life at a much deeper level.
I am more present and creative and that means everything to me.
In this “push more, tryer harder, work harder” society, It was easy for me to neglect the quiet signals of my own system.
My inner voice was whispering the opposite: go gentle, slow down, and nurture.
That is where healing exists–when the system no longer is fighting or fleeing, but safe and relaxed enough to repair itself.
What ways are you nurturing yourself to good health?
-xoxo Sariah